the avantgardists
Each member of the avant garde restaurant ensemble has been chosen by Miss Conni Convergence to continue her important work in forging a new discipline. Recently, the ensemble sat for their portraits with renowned photographer, Bartomeu Amengual. Miss Conni declines to have her photograph taken.
Peters Character (one of the greatest performers of his generation) A member of Miss Conni’s inner circle since the age of four, Peters has been present for the creation of all of her seminal works, including FRAGRANCE, dystopia redux, Cravings and LungFishDungPile, to name but a few. After a thriving career as a boy-soprano, he was plucked into international fame, much to his eventual chagrin, with the chart-topping bubblegum classic, “Ernestine”, propelling him to stages near and far, countless television appearances, and culminating in an ill-advised performance as Jon Woundsocket in the 1964 musical buddy comedy, Jonny and the General. Subsequent to that period, he disappeared from international stages and has performed only between the walls of Conni’s Avant Garde Restaurant, frequently paying tribute to his other great mentor, the incomparable composer and poet laureate of Poland, Uda Freyda.
Muffin St. Vergence Character Hanshake (deviser of original work) A Biography. blood type: O Negative. (She can't wink her right eye.) There was a nightlight in her room when she was a little girl. Miss Conni used to sit up with her, and sing songs to her. Her little room was pink. It had a pink carpet and pink curtains and it had musical boxes all over the room. Sie hat die ganze Welt gegessen. "Learn by heart, never write anything down. Try to pile up a dozen perfectly round ruby grapefruit, liberally salted, spread with yellow mustard, and oiled with jellyfish." An Umbrella. Glorio. Glorio. Easy as pie. Cake is cake. Give a drop more.
Redman #2 (lounge singer and security) is most famous for his regular engagements as a singer at the Charlletoix Casino in Bordeaux, France, where his performance was described as a "delicate balance of fear, decadence, and lounge-lizard smarm resulting in a beautiful kind of torture." Since then, Redman has been largely absent from the public eye until he recently resurfaced at Conni's. In fact, his quiet existence has led to conspiracy theories propagated over the internet, with one fanatically obsessed fan recently suggesting that Redman #2 was hired by the CIA to work as an agent of "Special Departures" and that his current state could only be compared to one who has served time living "a life of horrifying, deadly, and manipulated existence". Miss Conni herself would like to take this opportunity to dispel that rumor and to assure our kind audience that when not at the Restaurant, Redman spends his time as caretaker of a stray dog, General Molar.
Miss Goodi Two Shoes (ingenue) was raised in Rocky Comfort, Missouri, just outside of Branson by Bonni and William Williams. Despite that, she still managed to collect a solid training in modern dance. Goodi is a 4-time 2nd runner up for Miss Branson and national talent award winner in baton twirling, toe tapping (taps on pointe shoes), rhythmic gymnastics, and solo synchronized swimming. Goodi is ecstatic to be here at restaurant with her long lost Aunt Conni who is soooo much more interesting than Bonni, you can't even believe it. :)!!!
Mrs. Robinson (rockstar) has been performing with Conni Convergence almost since the day they met, fighting the fascist encroachment in Catalonia. Their subsequent exile launched their first world tour. The American actress and producer Mary Pickford caught their act in the Philippines, and signed them to a seven-picture deal with United Artists. His film career cut short when he refused to testify before the House Un-American Activities Committee, Mrs. Robinson returned to his musical roots, working with many rock-and-roll pioneers including Link Wray, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ray Davies and Harry Nilsson. Contrary to popular rumour, his departure from the Spiders from Mars was amicable, and Mrs. Robinson settled in Montreux to spend time with his new family and to perfect his fondue. He is pleased to be back on the road with the Avant Garde Restaurant.
"D" (academic in residence) is a PhD candidate at Sweat Horse State University in Idaho, where she is enrolled at the School of Integrated Studies. She's working on a dissertation examining Performance, Ritual and the Psycho-Political Role of Food in Socio-Cultural Expressive Development. A recipient of the Haystack Scholar award, she has been published in periodicals such as SmArt Research due to her in-the-field work at Conni's over the last several years. She knows true art when she sees it because she breaks out in hives. The good kind.
Dr. Smith (practitioner of the libation arts) holds an MD from the University of Maine Alternative School of Libational Medicine (Aroostook), as well as a PhD in Applied Toxicology from the Institute for Experimental Research. He was recently honored by the Rockefeller Foundation for his groundbreaking research on the oppression of clothing and the health benefits associated with free expression. Many thanks to Miss Conni for, a-way back in the day, donating that vintage slip-and-slide to the Dunlap estate, thereby nudging the future Dr. oh-so-slightly down the road less traveled. Discounts available to all Conni's patrons for Dr. Smith's world-renowned un-decleansing weekend retreats at Ames Farm, the birthplace of what is now known as Shotgun Therapy.
Sue James (kitchen manager) has worked in food service since she was fifteen years old, and she is currently employed doing what she cheerfully terms “all the sh*t work” at Conni’s Avant Garde Restaurant. She would like to thank Miss Conni for helping her to let go of her anger and to find her inner artist, and she is just really proud to be a part of this group of wicked talented theater people and to get to meet so many truly sophisticated audience members. Sue gained valuable performance experience back home in Massachusetts as a second alternate on the junior varsity cheerleading squad for the Stonington Stingers. Her pet peeves are paper cuts and uppity people. In solidarity with Lunch Lady, Sue no longer supports the military industrial food complex but she admits that she sometimes misses eating tater tots and watching COPS. She really hopes you go for seconds!
Hunter (barkeep) re-joins the Restaurant after his most recent Walkabout with a Navajo Spirit Guide, Ed, who always seems to lead him back to to Miss Conni. Hunter’s career as a performer began at the Shakit Shak, in Tucumcari, New Mexico, where he was bartending when a broken down tour bus led to an impromtu performance by Miss Conni and Jimmi Johnson (grandson of the legendary Robert) then traveling on the “Blues and Brothers with a Whole New Kind of Mother” tour. With a swiss army knife, some duct tape and a tin of Kodiak, Hunter got them back on the road and became Miss Conni’s personal bartender. While on the CC Xpress, he penned the Opry classics, "A Man's Gotta Believe in Somethin' and I Believe I'll Have Another Beer," " I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of me than a Frontal Lobotomy," and the Grammy nominated "A Million Light Beers Ago." When not slingin' whiskey at Conni’s, you can find Hunter on the Outdoor Channel in the solo survival show, "Eat or be Eaten", or under the tree where he lives.
Lunch Lady (master of slow cooking) has studied under many of the masters, including the incomparable Miss Conni. She has performed apprenticeships with the Khorog Mulberry Growers of Tajikistanan, an artisan baker in Provence, and the lunchroom at Queensbury High School in upstate New York. She believes that passion for food and where it comes from is as important as hygiene and discipline (and good grammar).
Johnny Hammersticks (chef du cuisine) gained attention at the East Jersey State Prison where his food was credited with slowing the inmate return rate from 80% to 20%. He was invited to the state capitol to prepare a meal for the governor and his guests, which was said to be so delicious that it caused Vice President Dick Cheney to shed his first tear in 65 years. After volunteering to stay in prison six years after his release date, Johnny decided it was time to try his culinary hand in the real world. However, he was misunderstood and rejected by the prejudices of the New York Restaurant scene which refused him the designation of “chef.” Johnny was discovered by the well-established touring Avant Gardists at a highway gaseteria next to a New Hampshire ‘booze barn’ where he was attempting to get drunk on gasoline. He would like to thank Miss Conni for clearing the accusation that he tried to start a ‘revenge fire’ at the Culinary Institute of America and for finally giving recognition to his culinary genius. Johnny holds the distinction of Maître de Tout le Lard Fumé de Choses (master of all things pork).
